What weight do you carry?

My entire life I’ve wanted a dog.

I have one now, along with my own apartment and a job I love. And although I am so grateful for all of these things, I am still plagued by worry.

Most nights I lay awake in the cold grip of fear. Fear that I’m not doing enough at work, fear that I’m not doing enough at home, fear that I’m giving up on things I love doing, fear that all the gifts I’ve been given will be torn away from me no matter how tightly I cling to them.

All my life I’ve wanted a dog.

And yet on walks with him I can hardly focus. I’m irritable and rush him along as he stops to smell the sweet decay of fallen leaves.

I’ve wanted a dog my entire life and yet I rob myself everyday of the joy that he could bring me. I’m carrying too many burdens that are out of my control. Or that aren’t even mine to being with.

How do I remove myself from my worry? How do i enjoy the intricate details of life; the trees changing colors, the smile on a face of a passing stranger, or simply taking my dog on a walk.

I have a dog.

Now I must find the peace.

Burdens

How many burdens

Do you carry

That aren’t your own?

Awake

Stop being complacent in your own misery

You owe yourself more than that.

Fall

When the leaves fall off the trees,

They fall silently.

They blanket the ground with sweet smells and vibrant color.

They do so with a gradual grace.

I hope I fall just the same.

Change

I’m learning to let go

Of all my past selves,

Some goodbyes

Are meant to be.

Easier

The rocks weighing me down

Are taken away

One by one.

Ever so slowly,

Its getting easier to breathe.