These four walls are watching me

And they couldn’t look away 

Even if they wanted.

These white walls 

Might be the iris,

That makes me the pupil 

And I do have so much to learn.


A pretty little fool

I heard his heart shatter in the crack of his voice and I knew in that moment that I not only loved him, but that I was deeply in love with him… because god damn it my heart broke at the sound of his. And although the source of the break had nothing to do with me, it felt as if my entire world had shattered right along with his. Maybe because by some insane trick of fate our lives have become too intertwined in each other’s. Maybe we have become too known to each other in every way, but maybe that’s the point of breathing; Human connection. Before I knew him I thought all I needed was a book, maybe a fresh cup of coffee, and a porch with a view. He showed me life was so much more than that. He fought with my stubbornness but without the usual aggression my father showed me. He once told me that I didn’t know how to love people.. I responded in anger, because anger is way too easy of a response. It is my knee jerk reaction to almost everything. And in the safety of my anger I tried to figure out where I had gone wrong, how had he looked right through me? How was he able to sum me up in less than ten words? How he walked into my life some three months earlier and was able to read me like the books I so often fell in love with. No one had ever laid it out in front of me so I could look at it with both eyes. I didn’t want to look. No one had ever made me look at it before. And It terrified me because he was right. I let him in. Way too close for my usual comfort. But I have discovered that being uncomfortably close to him has become my normal and somehow it’s comforting. And maybe the point is I’m here to share the burden of pain. I thought people only brought pain, because I hadn’t known any who didn’t. But pain is impossible to escape. With or without people. you can ignore it for so long you may think it has finally given up on you, but it always returns. And though tears make me uncomfortable and talk of feelings is strange to me, when he told me he loved me- it was all I needed. It’s true… loving him and being loved by him in ways maybe not so common, is really all I need. And sharing the pain that we all are forced to feel with another won’t take it away… but maybe it will comfort you to know you are not alone. Of course I still feel the rustling around in my soul even when I’m happy, but I’ve found a person to share it with. when I lost my home, I though it was gone to me forever… but now I know, its wherever he goes. home has two legs and could walk out the door at any second.. But is life really worth living without the risk of loving? I once said that it was foolish to make a home out of a person, and maybe I was right. But someone else once said that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world. A pretty little fool.