It would be quick. Just a little bit of pain, and then it’s all over. I would never fail again. I would never disappoint again. No more uncontrolled anger. I’d never have to roll out of bed to face the work week again. I could just be gone.
That’s what my brain screams at me as I drive next to the mountain side. Or as I cross the street. Or when my brother’s gun is left out on the table. It would be so quick. One instant and I’m free of pain.
But I’d also be free of the all beauty in the world. I would never again buy a Christmas tree while drinking hot chocolate. I would never know how The Walking Dead ends. I’d miss the flowers blooming in the springtime and my nephew’s first words.
I’d be free of pain, anger, and sadness forever.
But I’d also be free of joy, love, friendship, the holiday season, my favorite tv shows, music, the sunshine, laughter, traveling the world. I’d be free of life.
And with all things considered, i think i want to live it.